Nimueh's Guide to Being a Successfully Evil High Priestess
by eatingchocolate25
Summary: Nimueh's going to die. She knows that. The only problem is that she hasn't finished teaching her dear pupil Morgause how to be a successfully evil high priestess. So what does she do? She writes a book on it. Set in Le Morte D'Arthur (S1 E13). Two-Shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys and welcome to my fantastic two-shot (both chapters uploaded at the same time of course) Nimueh's Guide to Being a Successfully Evil High Priestess. Have you guys ever noticed the similarities between Nimueh and Morgause. Well this little shot will explain why.**

**I hope you all laugh out loud because some of them are ridiculous. Enjoy…**

_**Beta (Clarkygirl)- I have nothing to say…**_

**Nimueh's Guide to Being a Successfully Evil High Priestess- Chapter 1**

Dear Morgause,

I fear my time is coming to an end. I have read the prophecy that Emrys is my doom and I know I have certainly angered him very recently. He will come and exact his revenge. This means, my time is almost upon me and you shall become the last high priestess. This means, you must remember all my teachings.

I believe you have the makings of being a great evil high priestess. However, I feel as though your education hasn't finished. This means I would need to write this book to give to you about the most important things you must remember.

I wish you luck Morgause. I hope you pass this along to your successor. Enjoy being evil.

Nimueh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Nimueh's Guide to Being a Successfully Evil High Priestess- Chapter 2**

You must wear red.

Red naturally symbolises anger and danger. A High Priestess from the time when Uther Pendragon was king must be both, angry for the prejudice and discrimination happening towards creatures of the Old Religion and dangerous because of all the damage said High Priestess could do with her magic. It also tells everyone that you are rebelling against Uther Pendragon's tyranny. It doesn't matter if you are trying to spy in Camelot's castle, you must wear red to be true to your heritage.

You must have a trademark piece of makeup.

It is important to be an individual. It is something the Triple Goddess encourages. That's why every High Priestess that is from Uther's time would wear only one piece of makeup. They would always wear that makeup in that colour and would never be found without one of that colour.

Mine is my red lipstick. It also helps with my smirking, making it more noticeable. I advise you to go with black eyeliner as it does suit you however if you choose not to use that makeup, then you should certainly stick to your eyes.

You must smirk.

When going through with evil and dramatic plans, you must wear a smirk. This identifies you as being evil. If you are in Camelot, it doesn't matter if you smirk or not, no one ever notices except Merlin. That's understandable though. He might be underestimated in Camelot but he is very smart. Beware of him.

You must be dramatic.

It is true that an evil High Priestess could very easily kill Uther Pendragon with little fuss. However, where's the fun in that. When mastering an evil plan, there needs to be drama so that you can enjoy your revenge. It also makes Merlin's life much easier.

You must conjure someone up from the dead.

If you conjure someone who died back to life to execute your evil plans, they can do it very easily due to the fact that no mortal weapon can kill something that is also dead.

I once conjured Tristan Du Bois back to life as a wraith. His job was to kill Uther Pendragon. He challenged many different knights. When he challenged Arthur Pendragon, Uther drugged Arthur and took his place. The idea was that Uther would be killed by the wraith of his brother-in-law but my old friend Kilgharrah betrayed me and forged a sword from his breath that has the power to kill the undead. This meant Tristan died again, instead of Uther. The sword is called Excalibur and one day it shall belong to Arthur Pendragon. That is a fact that cannot be stopped.

It adds to the drama of the whole plan. The more dramatic it is the better. It would be nice if you are able to find a way to create an undead army. Emrys might have a hard time stopping you if there is a whole load of them.

You must have the Seer's ability.

Every High Priestess ever had the Seer's ability. This is the ability to See the future in dreams.

This can be very useful in your quest to be an evil High Priestess. If you can See the outcome of your plan, you can change things to make you more successful.

One thing you must do is stay away from the crystals in Crystal Cave. If you see a vision there, you cannot stop it no matter how hard you try. You can change your Seer's dream result though.

You must not complain when Merlin manages to stop your plans.

Merlin is very smart. As he is a servant, he is in the perfect position to stop your dramatic plans. It is important you make sure that he can stop your plans as us evil High Priestesses are situated for training him.

We cannot complain if he does manage to stop us. He is very powerful and very smart and he has Gaius helping him. Don't bother trying to kill him, it never works.

You must try to kill Arthur.

This adds to the aspect of drama. Arthur is a good target to practice on. However, because of the power of Emrys, he would not die. His death has already been foretold and it is not us who manage to kill him.

It is quite fun trying to kill Arthur Pendragon. He is a reckless young man who loves stabbing things with his pointy metal stick. I am confused as to why he's the Once and Future King of all people but perhaps it is because his misfortunes make us happy.

You must not be annoyed when it seems as though you cannot kill Emrys.

Emrys means immortal in Druidic. This is because he is immortal. That means you cannot kill him. You can keep trying though, it is quite fun though.

I once poisoned Emrys. I told him the chalice was poisoned and he drank it instead of Arthur. The poison was made from the petal of a Mortaeus flower. However, no matter what, Arthur will always have Emrys' back so he wouldn't die. And if Arthur didn't then Emrys' magic would just stop the threat itself.

You must not be annoyed when Emrys finally kills you.

Emrys is destined to kill me, you and Morgana. You must never forget that.

Last night I saw my death. I have to admit, it was certainly entertaining. I saw him summon lightning and made me explode due to the lightning. This is all his instinctual magic though. He used my death to give Gaius back his life. I have to admit that disappointed me. If only Emrys didn't have power over life and death.

You must flirt with Merlin and Arthur.

It is funny flirting with them both. Even though Merlin's heart will soon belong with the next Guardian of the Lake of Avalon, he is certainly interested in pale, dark haired sorceresses. I once flirted with him before I poisoned him. It was funny how easily he fell for me. And the face that Gwen made when she realised he had a crush on me.

I didn't exactly flirt with Arthur as I was too busy playing the damsel in distress. However, Arthur is very chivalrous so that it makes it very easy to flirt with him.

You must make Gwen annoyed.

Guinevere, more commonly known as Gwen, is your sister Morgana's handmaiden. She is sweet, innocent and slightly ditzy. When I was being really evil previously, it seemed as though she had a crush on Merlin which was not reciprocated.

Gwen is the Once and Future Queen. She is destined to fall in love and marry Arthur Pendragon. However, it is quite fun seeing how flawed she is. She is a terrible flirt and has a soft spot for Lancelot.

If you flirt with either Lancelot or Arthur in front of her, she will see red. And when she sees red, she starts gossiping with the other maids about you.

It has been foretold that she would have a very close relationship with Merlin, one a lot like the relationship between two siblings. If you try to make the two of them hate each other with gossip, it would certainly be funny. Especially as Merlin's two best friends are Arthur and Lancelot.

You must hang out at Isle of the Blessed.

Isle of the Blessed is a small island in the middle of the Lake of Avalon. It is owned by the High Priestesses of the Old Religion and is used for worshipping the Triple Goddess. However, when Uther Pendragon started the Great Purge, his knights did a lot of damage to the walls of the once magnificent castle, causing it to be a crumbling wreck. Evil High Priestesses must have scary looking, crumbling homes that proves that you are an evil High Priestess. And what place is better than the mysterious Isle of the Blessed where all the High Priestesses actually belong.

You must wear cloaks of evil.

When you are participating in evil deeds, like sneaking around in Camelot's citadel, you must wear a cloak of evil. Cloaks of evil are usually dark and evil colours like black and red and purple. However, you must never wear a green cloak as that would only symbolise you are a Druid and Druids are not evil at all. They prove your evilness to Merlin who is the only one who ever notices and the only one who should notice.

So, my dear Morgause. That is all the wisdom I have for you. I wish you luck with your journey becoming the next evil High Priestess. Remember to be guided by my book and remember to spice up your evil plans a bit.

If it is you, Morgana, reading this then good luck as well with becoming the next evil High Priestess after Morgause. You have much potential for greatly evil deeds as well as your older sister and I look forward to being able to see them when I pass the veil. They will certainly make me happy, seeing them done. Enjoy your short life, making the residents of Camelot angry and try to die the most shocking and dramatic way possible.

Oh, and Morgause, please don't try to get Cenred into your bed just because you want him to do your evil bidding. You have more dignity than that. You are not your mother, remember. However, it is acceptable for you to flirt with him and suggest the idea to get him to do your evil bidding. Remember to kill him afterwards and take over his job. It would certainly help in the long run.

Good luck.

Nimueh.

**What do you think guys? This is my first go at something humourous, especially in Nimueh's p.o.v.**

**This is supposed to be a semi-prequel to my brand new set of fics called Camelot Chatrooms. Imagine the characters of Merlin had computers and Chatrooms? And what if some of the dead people also had computers and Chatrooms? Hilarity ensures, of course and a few secrets come into play. They are drabbles but they are sort of linked to one another and written in chronological order. It's set in Series 4, after A Servant of Two Masters (S4 E6) and before Lancelot Du Lac (S4 E9). So do tune in to that fic.**

**Meanwhile, you can read A Dragon's Heart by Clarkygirl (beta for this fic). And yes, I beta that. It took a lot of nagging to initiate anyway. It shall be updated soon.**

**Also, you can read Two Sides of the Same Coin which is written by me but NOT beta-ed by Clarky. That, on the other hand, is completely different to the show and is not in any way canon. Updates are every Tuesday and I can confirm now that there will be 13 chapters in total.**

**Until then, keep reviewing/favouriting. It makes us both very happy to know that people are enjoying this little masterpiece.**

_**Beta (Clarkygirl)- This was fun…**_


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